GUYS, IT'S OKAY, I WATCHED "SUBMARINE"!

#5

At church yesterday, I saw this guy with long blonde curls. They were everywhere. I looked at him and I didn't want to look away. But then he looked at me and I thought, "Oh shit, look away!"

I kept looking over at him occasionally. I saw him smiling and I wanted to die, he was really something. This little girl went up to him and shook his hand, then walked over to me and shook my hand, then went back to him and shook his hand again. I looked at his hands and they were stunning. Perfect, veiny, masculine, yet delicate.

Then he looked at me again while I was looking at him, but this time I didn't look away. I smiled at him, as flirtatiously as I could. I knew I was never going to see him again. I just wanted to give him a look that he would remember. Enough that he might go home that night and blog about it.

I smiled at him and he smiled back.

#4

Yesterday, after school, I was standing in the rain debating whether I should skip swim practice or just go. I was standing outside alone, everyone was long gone. Then this boy walks out, not noticing me. He didn't have any particular feature that absolutely attracted me. Other than that he looked straight in my eyes earlier that day. That was pretty cool.

I decided to go to swim practice so I got up and walked far behind him.

I was listening to The Libertines.

He must have been listening to some sort of Rap because he was dancing kinda funny and pretending to rap. I was laughing in admiration behind him.
He inspired me to listen to music that I could move to, so I started listening to Kanye West and started dancing as I made my way to the pool.

Dykes

I hate it when good looking women have short hair.
Let me tell you why:

1.) because they look like guys and I am automatically attracted to them.

2.) it confuses the hell outta' me.

3.) it's just not very feminine.

The other day, I saw a chick with short, messy hair. She was hot.
I thought, "If that's a boy, holy shit. If it's a girl, might as well. She's just as attractive."


I'm crazy.

#3

I was on the bus yesterday, waiting to get to my stop. In between the joyous ride, a man walked past me. Oh my hell, his scent was magnificent. I looked up, jaw wide open, and like almost drooled. This man was stunning.

Normally for me to "fall in love" with a stranger, he or she would have to do something special. This man just smelled good and his looks were incredible. I don't want to seem shallow, but he did absolutely nothing special but walk past me and I was captured.


That doesn't happen to often with me.

#2

I met this guy that's in my chemistry class. Not the same one I've told some of you about...a different one.

He's really quiet. So I asked him to be in my lab group and he gladly accepted. 

We all started talking and he's actually pretty funny and kind. He's not shy at all, because he talks a lot without blushing and whatnot. 

He told us that he's not shy, he's just quiet. He has a really nice smile too. And beautiful blue eyes. 

And the prettiest hands I've seen in a long time. 

I wonder what he does with them. 

#1

There was this guy at a festival I went to with long blond hair. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt with some faded jeans and vans (or something....). He looked very relaxed.  He had a very handsome face, a face that girls wouldn't normally acknowledge because of his clothing choice.

Well, I saw this guy and nearly melted. (I'm crazy)

Ha, we were walking slowly behind him when he stopped to look at some shoes that were on sale. 

"How much are these shoes?" he asked. 

I officially melted, just hearing his voice. 

Bonjour!

The first word in French that our teacher taught us.

I don't know where I'm going with this, except for that; in the hallway, that was the first word he said -directly- to me.
It was so amusing and he was so charming about it.

I wonder if he knows that he made my day.

Picture Day

For crying out loud, no one told me that today was picture day. My hair is just plain and straight, my make up is very light, and I'm wearing a green and blue stripped t-shirt, dark skinny jeans, and pink sneakers.
Okay, I don't look -bad- at all. Actually, there's this cute guy that I talk to daily so I try to look as cute (and simple) as possible. Daily.

But still, I wish I knew because I would probably plan a killer outfit to wear and do my hair and make up better. Some people here look really great.
Ugh.


Luckily I have a really great smile.

Manipulating

I'm reading a book called "Submarine" by Joe Dunthorne at Barnes & Noble right now. I had to pause for a minute 1) because there's a couple of douchebags here that keep snickering loudly and 2) because there is a part in the novel where the main character is pretty much controlling his father. In a way...

Did you ever notice how manipulating we can be? I mean we can pretty much make our parents do anything for us when we compliment them or act all cute.

For example, today my sister and I had lunch with my mom. My sister told me about how she wants to go to a rave this weekend. I said, "whatever, you're nuts. Mom isnt gonna let you go."
So what she does is, she compliments my mom as she meets us at the cafe. And she says, "my friend say hi!"
My mom is flattered, she smiles.

Guess who's going to the rave this weekend?
My sister just smiles at me evilly.


I feel bad for my mom. What a rude thing to do. So I've decided that I won't ever manipulate my mom or dad. It's too much for me to handle.

Refresh

Do you ever find yourself refreshing a page on the internet like a madman? You are waiting for that response, but it hasn't gotten there yet. So you refresh and refresh in hopes that maybe, after the tenth time you do it, you'll get the response you wanted.

Last night I wrote on his wall, the bastard's wall. He wrote something mean to me, naturally, so I decided to defend myself. So sue me.
"You're kind of a douche, just sayin." ...is what I wrote.
Someone liked it and agreed. Humiliation enough, I'd say. I am aware that his mother and his so-called "friends" would read it. Would that stop me? No, of course not. It made me want to do it more. So I did it.
So what did I expect? A defensive comment from him? A friend removal? A block? An angry text message?
Yes.
I got a response I wasn't expecting. HE THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING.

Well I failed.


And for the record, it wasn't cyber- bullying. And if it was, he started it.
Turns out, I'm not that nice.

The reason I started this...

...is because I saw him the other day. I saw him for the hundreth time and I still have not said a word to him. I am so shy around him. I freeze and I can't move.
One time I managed to smile and he smiled back. Uhh that smile!
Anyway, I'm still in high school, he's not. He's who knows where. I'm in my room thinking of him.

I saw him and he looked a little different. His hair got longer. It's wavy and light brown. He looked really good. I've seen him look that good before, but never have I wanted him more.

What I do is, I go to places that I like to be in. I go to cafe's almost daily and wait and wait. I figured, if there's a reason or a way at all, he'd be somewhere I like to be in. Because we have to have something in common. I haven't found him yet, but like I said, if something should happen between us, it will. Right?

Maybe he'll read this someday. Hello Luke!

Ugh I hope I'm not being creepy.
This is the effect beautiful people make on normal people like me.

Does everyone come in and out of your life for a reason? 

Well of course they do, now that I think about it. 

Because when she walks past you and taps you on the shoulder and says to you, "You have ranch on your chin." 

and you wipe it off and thank her because you were just about to walk into a job interview with RANCH on your CHIN. 

Because the man who was going to interview you just happens to be allergic to ranch. 

She made a difference in your life. 

Because when you're in a diner and you're reading a book while listening to your iPod, you're completely distracted. Everyone is panicking and running around in circles, but you have no idea because you're distracted! Finally a man shakes you and yells, "THERE'S A FIRE! GET OUT!" 

So you both run out. 

He just saved your damn life. 

Dramatic or silly or calmer or whatever. Maybe someone smiled at you in the hallway and it made your day. 

The thing that sucks is that these people making a difference in your life, never happen to walk past you ever again. You never see them again. How do you thank them? 

If I don't watch the film "Submarine" by the end of this year, I'm going to commit suicide. 

The problem is, it's not released in the U.S.

I Hate Typing My Writing

Yet I'm doing it. Oh look, I'm still alive.
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I'm eating my third slice of chocolate cake, tonight. I don't know what's wrong with my tonight. Particularly tonight. I feel good when I eat. Shit, that can only mean one thing: I'M EATING MY FEELINGS, FOR PETE'S SAKE.

I'm doing it again. Maybe I should stop, this isn't cool in the slightest bit. I think  I do it because I never gain weight. Thank you, exercise.