Picture Day

For crying out loud, no one told me that today was picture day. My hair is just plain and straight, my make up is very light, and I'm wearing a green and blue stripped t-shirt, dark skinny jeans, and pink sneakers.
Okay, I don't look -bad- at all. Actually, there's this cute guy that I talk to daily so I try to look as cute (and simple) as possible. Daily.

But still, I wish I knew because I would probably plan a killer outfit to wear and do my hair and make up better. Some people here look really great.
Ugh.


Luckily I have a really great smile.

Manipulating

I'm reading a book called "Submarine" by Joe Dunthorne at Barnes & Noble right now. I had to pause for a minute 1) because there's a couple of douchebags here that keep snickering loudly and 2) because there is a part in the novel where the main character is pretty much controlling his father. In a way...

Did you ever notice how manipulating we can be? I mean we can pretty much make our parents do anything for us when we compliment them or act all cute.

For example, today my sister and I had lunch with my mom. My sister told me about how she wants to go to a rave this weekend. I said, "whatever, you're nuts. Mom isnt gonna let you go."
So what she does is, she compliments my mom as she meets us at the cafe. And she says, "my friend say hi!"
My mom is flattered, she smiles.

Guess who's going to the rave this weekend?
My sister just smiles at me evilly.


I feel bad for my mom. What a rude thing to do. So I've decided that I won't ever manipulate my mom or dad. It's too much for me to handle.

Refresh

Do you ever find yourself refreshing a page on the internet like a madman? You are waiting for that response, but it hasn't gotten there yet. So you refresh and refresh in hopes that maybe, after the tenth time you do it, you'll get the response you wanted.

Last night I wrote on his wall, the bastard's wall. He wrote something mean to me, naturally, so I decided to defend myself. So sue me.
"You're kind of a douche, just sayin." ...is what I wrote.
Someone liked it and agreed. Humiliation enough, I'd say. I am aware that his mother and his so-called "friends" would read it. Would that stop me? No, of course not. It made me want to do it more. So I did it.
So what did I expect? A defensive comment from him? A friend removal? A block? An angry text message?
Yes.
I got a response I wasn't expecting. HE THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING.

Well I failed.


And for the record, it wasn't cyber- bullying. And if it was, he started it.
Turns out, I'm not that nice.

The reason I started this...

...is because I saw him the other day. I saw him for the hundreth time and I still have not said a word to him. I am so shy around him. I freeze and I can't move.
One time I managed to smile and he smiled back. Uhh that smile!
Anyway, I'm still in high school, he's not. He's who knows where. I'm in my room thinking of him.

I saw him and he looked a little different. His hair got longer. It's wavy and light brown. He looked really good. I've seen him look that good before, but never have I wanted him more.

What I do is, I go to places that I like to be in. I go to cafe's almost daily and wait and wait. I figured, if there's a reason or a way at all, he'd be somewhere I like to be in. Because we have to have something in common. I haven't found him yet, but like I said, if something should happen between us, it will. Right?

Maybe he'll read this someday. Hello Luke!

Ugh I hope I'm not being creepy.
This is the effect beautiful people make on normal people like me.

Does everyone come in and out of your life for a reason? 

Well of course they do, now that I think about it. 

Because when she walks past you and taps you on the shoulder and says to you, "You have ranch on your chin." 

and you wipe it off and thank her because you were just about to walk into a job interview with RANCH on your CHIN. 

Because the man who was going to interview you just happens to be allergic to ranch. 

She made a difference in your life. 

Because when you're in a diner and you're reading a book while listening to your iPod, you're completely distracted. Everyone is panicking and running around in circles, but you have no idea because you're distracted! Finally a man shakes you and yells, "THERE'S A FIRE! GET OUT!" 

So you both run out. 

He just saved your damn life. 

Dramatic or silly or calmer or whatever. Maybe someone smiled at you in the hallway and it made your day. 

The thing that sucks is that these people making a difference in your life, never happen to walk past you ever again. You never see them again. How do you thank them? 

If I don't watch the film "Submarine" by the end of this year, I'm going to commit suicide. 

The problem is, it's not released in the U.S.

I Hate Typing My Writing

Yet I'm doing it. Oh look, I'm still alive.
---

I'm eating my third slice of chocolate cake, tonight. I don't know what's wrong with my tonight. Particularly tonight. I feel good when I eat. Shit, that can only mean one thing: I'M EATING MY FEELINGS, FOR PETE'S SAKE.

I'm doing it again. Maybe I should stop, this isn't cool in the slightest bit. I think  I do it because I never gain weight. Thank you, exercise.